


Reflections

by MythicWolf



Category: Star Fox Series
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Suicide Attempt, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-03-06 15:14:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13413966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MythicWolf/pseuds/MythicWolf
Summary: A broken man reflects on his past, and considers the future and how to move on from his mistakes.





	Reflections

**Author's Note:**

> If you didn't catch it before, suicide tw for any of you who are sensitive to that stuff!

The pristine reflection of a grey muzzle on the pond startled him. A lupine's head stared at him with a sad face, frown clearly evident. The scarred flesh on his left eye reminded him of his past mistakes and weakness. He had killed and stolen and hurt people for money, he had been on the front lines of the worst war in all of the Lylat System's history, and he had left.

Can't let you do that, Star Fox!

He deserted his post, but he continued to be a horrible person. He became a crime lord, doing whatever he pleased to cover up his own pain and confusion from the war.

The grey canid staring back at him had gained a little weight since then, a little gut prominent, but he still had some muscle mass on his arms. He drank a little more than he should've during that time of confusion, and it certainly caught up to him. He could also see a hole in his right ear from a conflict with his rival all that time ago, in that other life. It was a shot that started to change his life, but it didn't erase his mistakes.

He had done too much in his life to be forgiven, and he knew that. The reflection staring back at him didn't deserve saving, didn't deserve forgiveness.

Yet he still tried to do what he could during the hell of the aparoids. He still tried to do what he thought was the right thing, and all the while guilt and confusion were ripping his conscience apart.

You're a pitiful sight, pup.

His reflection's mouth curled up a bit in a smile, remembering that day. It was one of the few things he was proud of himself for doing. It was the start of a very long apology.

Yet when he saw his reflection, all he saw was that angry young man with the black eyepatch, so angry at a System that was so indifferent to his pain. He was older now, maybe a little wiser. He'd thrown that damn eyepatch away, accepting his weakness with open arms and a few beers. 

It was hard to move on, he knew, an unexplainable sadness dragging his reflection's features back to the ground. He didn't deserve forgiveness, not after the atrocities that he had committed. 

Don't hesitate. When the time comes, just act.

It was that reason that he'd nearly taken his own life in the past. The eye staring at him shut in pain, that day a permanent scar on his memory, a cancer that wouldn't be removed, no matter how much he clawed at it.

It was a good thing someone had found him before he jumped off of that building. Maybe that's what made him realize he still had room to grow and become better, was the fact that someone would be willing to save him after all the shit he'd done.

His reflection looked at him condescendingly, but he couldn't bring himself to break the staring contest. Maybe a little bit of that stubborn attitude had survived through his shift.

He sighed, finally looking away from the pond and into the blue sky. That was where he belonged, or at least where he used to. He still went up there, but a part of him knew his history tainted the very stars in the sky. As much as he tried to forget it, he was a terrible man.

Looking back down at the pond, he saw a new reflection next to his head. An orange canid, concerned look on his face. He was a constant reminder to the grey canid.

And that reminder was that maybe Wolf O'Donnell wasn't such a horrible man anymore.

"Thinking too much again?" Fox asked, a hand on his shoulder.

Wolf nodded. It was in the quiet when he would reflect over his mistakes. It was too easy for him to wallow in self-deprecation and regret, and it happened often. It was one of his many flaws.

But the man next to him had no flaws. He was perfect, in every sense of the word. Fox saved him from jumping, even if he didn't understand why.

\---

Wolf took a breath, walking to the edge of the skyscraper. If he jumped, he'd fall hundreds of feet to the ground below, and it would all be over. A part of him was scolding himself for daring to be so weak. He was the great Lord O'Donnell, he feared nobody!

And yet his world was too confusing for him to accept. He was ready for it to end; then he wouldn't have to worry about fixing his past. They could all remember him as a monster, it wouldn't make a difference to him. He just wanted to rest. 

It was dizzying, looking at the ground this far up. Everything looked so insignificant to Wolf, making him realize just how much one death didn't matter. It would be okay if he did this.

"What are you doing up here, Wolf?" A voice behind him whispered. The lupine turned to see the source, but he already knew who it was.

"What does it look like, Fox? I've got nothing to live for anymore," he muttered, shooting a glare at the approaching vulpine.

"So you're not going to ask me how I found you?" He asked, still edging closer. Wolf could feel the wind at his back, and it was so tempting to back off the ledge, but a part of him didn't want that. It wanted to hear what Fox was saying.

"Frankly, I don't care. This is my last stop, and I'm getting off soon. It's as simple as that, pup," he replied nonchalantly, crossing his arms.

"But why? I never thought the Wolf O'Donnell, not two months after saving the system, would do something like this," Fox murmured. He was about three feet away now.

A part of Wolf's composure cracked, and he unfolded his arms. "I've… I've made too many mistakes in my life. I don't deserve to keep living with everything I've done. I know that there are plenty who would love to watch me jump," he stated, ears drooping.

"Maybe you can get forgiveness, so try forgiving yourself. Nobody should go out like this, it's not fair! Just step off of the ledge, Wolf," Fox whispered, reaching his hand out.

"I don't care. I… I deserve this. I want this to be over," the lupine mumbled, shaking his head as if Fox was an illusion and he was trying to dispel it.

"But why now? Why after all you've done?" 

"Because I was hoping I'd die back at the aparoids protecting you, but you have always hated me and I survived, so please… let me kill myself in peace!" Wolf snarled before turning back around. He looked down at the streets below him, bracing himself.

"I never said I hated you." It was barely audible, but Wolf felt it shatter his core like glass to a bullet. His breath hitched. 

"W- what?" He breathed, not daring to look behind him. 

"I've never hated you, I never have. Now please, get down from there," Fox whispered, voice cracking.

Wolf felt broken, and put back together, and broken again. He looked up at the stars, and started crying, his tears falling hundreds of feet down to the asphalt below him. His sobs were ugly, racking through his body until he felt sick. He wasn't sure how long he stood there, crying like he never had before, Fox standing silently behind him. 

Wolf felt a hand tug gently at the sleeve of his coat, and he let it pull him off of the edge and into a solid body. He cried into Fox's chest, vaguely hearing sweet nothings in his ear.

He'd cried himself empty.

\---

A few tears landed on the surface of the pond, rippling the otherwise pristine surface and distorting Wolf's reflection. He wiped them away with the sleeve of his bomber jacket, wondering just when he'd become so damn weak.

"Quit thinking about that. It's in the past, and you're here," Fox murmured comfortingly, wrapping his arm around Wolf's shoulders.

It wasn't a day he could easily forget, he wanted to say, but Fox would start worrying too much. He certainly wasn't close to okay, but he was getting better. Wolf was starting to pick up the pieces of his life.

His reflection smiled timidly up at him.

Fox took his hand gently, and they turned around, walking away from the pond and into the park, trees with orange leaves around them. It was a nice place, just some park on the outskirts of Corneria.

Wolf looked at the trees, and he drew a strange comparison. He was like the trees. He had grown, and become broken and withered, and he died, but he came back different, perhaps even a little better than before.

He never stopped feeling like Fox should hate him to his core, but he never agreed with the vulpine. Despite his many flaws he held, Fox embraced them without judgement. Wolf still didn't understand, even after all that time since he'd nearly taken his own life. 

"Stay with me, big guy. We're supposed to be relaxing before our next mission, not brooding over things we can't change," Fox half joked, sitting down on a bench. He brought his scarf up towards his face, the wind picking up a little bit.

Wolf sat down next to him, crossing his arms. He wore a scowl as he looked at the ground, kicking his feet. He had to admit, he did enjoy the fall weather, even if it did put him in a melancholic state of mind. Fox leaned against him, shivering slightly.

"Cold," he offered pitifully, and Wolf chuckled, a rare action coming from him these days. He wrapped and arm around the vulpine, pulling him close.

Wolf wished he could figure out what Fox was thinking, but his mind was hard to understand. He was glad the vulpine wasn't transparent, but it made some things hard to figure out.

Fox, however, had no trouble reading his mind.

\---

Wolf stared down at his hands, his claws bitten down to dull stumps. It was a bad habit he'd picked up over the month he'd spent living in Fox's small apartment. He had started it by just growing anxious when he was alone while Fox was doing something else. He sighed, clenching his hands into fists.

He was absolutely pitiful, and he hated every part of himself.

Fox, however, didn't see it that way. Fox was gentle and kind with him, and hadn't forced Wolf to stay with him while he rebuilt his foundation. It was a shaky start, and the vulpine didn't want him leaving the place alone for fear of a repeat of that night, but that was fine. Wolf was still working on not flinching whenever Fox was doing something close in his vicinity.

"Why aren't you afraid of me? I'm a monster,” Wolf whispered, looking at Fox, who had sat down in the chair next to him in the small kitchen.

"You're no monster, you're just someone who has made mistakes in the past," Fox replied, grasping his hands from across the table. That had become a regular occurrence. Wolf would ask something like that, and Fox would give a million bullshit reasons why it wasn't true.

"Don't give me that look, I'm speaking the truth. I don't think you're a monster. You are a person sitting next to me that is wallowing in the past, and the past is gone. Try focusing on staying with me," Fox continued, keeping his hands on Wolf's.

"I still don't know why you want me to stay with you so badly. I'm nothing but a liability, and I've done nothing to benefit you in any way!" The lupine exclaimed, perplexed by Fox's behavior. 

"I'm nothing but a broken pilot," Wolf whispered, closing his eye tightly.

"That may be so… but I'm going to help put you together," Fox stated with a small smile.

"But why are you so damn insistent on this?" The lupine questioned, emotion cracking his voice apart. He just didn't understand why someone so perfect cares about a monster like him-

Wolf's thought process was cleaved in two when Fox leaned across the table and kissed him fiercely. The lupine still didn't get it; why did Fox...

"You think too much. Focus on me, and nothing else," the vulpine murmured after breaking the kiss. Wolf huffed, wanting to protest, but he nodded.

"F… Fine," he whispered simply, wanting the feeling of Fox's lips on his once more. His wish was soon granted, the vulpine leaning back over and continuing the kiss, Wolf reciprocating.

A part of his shattered core just rebuilt itself.

\---

"Come back to me, Wolf," Fox whispered in his ear, snapping him out of his nostalgia. 

"Sorry," he mumbled out of habit. Wolf felt he needed to apologize to Fox for any mistake he made, lest he be left alone to suffer again.

"Nothing to be sorry for."

Wolf wrapped his arm tighter around Fox. If there was one good thing that happened to him in his hell of a life, it was the vulpine saving him. He kissed the top of Fox's head lovingly. 

Neither of them needed to say anything, content in sitting together in the fall weather. Wolf stared up at the sky again. He never felt like he belonged up there, even if he used to be the best, but now he knew he belonged wherever Fox went.

"Do you want to go home?" The vulpine asked gently as not to startle Wolf. The lupine grasped Fox's hand, nodding, and the two got up from their seat. 

Fox led them through the small park, leaving Wolf to his thoughts while he walked next to him. It was considerate, but Fox knew not to let him stray too far. Wolf was glad of that; maybe one day he'd push to the edge, and then there would be nowhere else for him to turn.

Sometimes Wolf found him wondering what happened to his old team. It dissolved right after the aparoids, when he was descending into alcoholism and suicidal tendencies. Part of him knew it didn't matter, but the other part wondered where Panther and Leon were.

\---

Leon had already left to get the team a room in whatever shitty hotel they had found on Katina, leaving Wolf with Panther outside of the building. The lupine stared down at his boots, studying the scratches and scuffs on them. They were flawed, just like he had become.

"What are we doing next, boss?" Panther asked, poking Wolf's shoulder lightly. "What's next on the agenda? The aparoids may be gone, but we need to rebuild our home."

"Why? There's no point in rebuilding a crime empire. We're out of chances, out of everything," Wolf murmured softly, hand on his head as he moved to stare at Panther.

The feline looked at him with scrutiny and slight concern. "What's happened to you? Something has changed, what is it?" He questioned.

Wolf growled, stamping his boot on the dirty ground. "Damn it, I was hoping I would die back on that hellscape of a planet, Panther!" He shouted, causing the other man to take a step back in surprise. "I'm nothing but a weak fool who has made too many mistakes, can't you just leave me to that?"

“Wolf…”

“I don't give a damn about you have to say,” he snarled.

Wolf didn't give Panther a chance to respond, turning around and walking away from him down the dusty road of that old shanty town. He didn't look back, but he ripped that old eyepatch off and threw it on the ground as he went. It was the final memory of his past, the last one he needed to let go to finally be ready for what came next. 

He was hoping it was release in the cold arms of death.

\---

That memory always felt too out of place, too vibrant to him. It was like creating a monotone painting and splashing blue paint in it because you thought it would look pretty. Wolf looked down at the rigid cobblestones of the sidewalk, cracked with use and age. That memory was always too abrupt; he should've finished his conversation with Panther. 

Fox squeezed his hand a little tighter than normal, bringing him back into the throes of reality.

"What's the matter?" He asked, fully preparing for Wolf to ignore him. 

"I shouldn't have left my team like that. They deserved a proper goodbye, and I just stormed off forever," Wolf replied, frowning at his feet. He felt this heavy weight pressing on his chest because of it, like someone had just put a barbell on it.

"Well, from what you've told me, you were just confused back then. It was okay for you to do that; they didn't know what was going on with you. Maybe under different circumstances, yeah, you should've, but you didn't. Wolf, you did what you felt was what you had to," Fox replied, looking up at him.

He mulled over the words for a few minutes in silence as they walked. Leaving Panther was yet another of his very long list of mistakes in life, and as hard as Fox tried to say otherwise, he wouldn't ever truly forgive himself for it. It was so frustrating that he couldn't forgive anything he'd done, but somehow, Fox didn't care. He never cared about Wolf's mistakes.

Maybe that was why he fell in love.

The monster fell in love with the most perfect person in all of the Lylat System, how typical. Wolf never berated himself for that, though; if anything, he was glad he did. It was a beacon to keep him hopeful, the only light in the darkness of his life.

Wolf squeezed Fox's hand, making sure he was still there, that he hadn't left yet. 

"I know. I love you too," he whispered, smiling softly over at Wolf.

He probably wouldn't ever feel whole again, but with Fox there, he knew he was getting something close to redemption. Another piece of his shattered core fell back into place.

The wind blew through the trees, knocking the leaves off of the branches. Soon, they too would start anew.


End file.
